So, connections. A thing that connects 2 things, 2 people, 2 countries, 2 ideas, 2 passions, 2 of anything, really.
Making them can be as easy as putting one foot in front of the other (though to be honest, even that’s hard at times), and it can seem as insurmountable as the sky at others.
Especially for some introverts like myself: the people who might like staying inside too much, the crazy foreigner in Korea who doesn’t really want to spend the weekend clubbing, the one who finds it hard to reach out their branches and shake their leaves a little, who just wants to chill at times. But not by themselves ALL the time!
Now, I’m not saying this to engender a sense of pity or some such nonsense, or even to focus this on myself. Far from it. Let me direct your focus up, rather. Imagine gazing through a stony cannon, for a moment. It’s currently pointed out at the endless blue sea, which contains a ton of beauty but if you stare inside it for too long you might get lost in it. It can turn from being calm and rhythmic to violent and tossing like that (*snaps fingers*). After all, it’s only the created – not the Creator. So you start cranking this cannon slowly upward. It’s a little rusted and stuck where it is, so it takes a hearty smack or two to dislodge it. It starts grinding its way up, and the sea disappears and the clouds replace them. You see how light and bright they are, and suddenly you begin to feel like them and less like the heavy waters. It’s a feeling maybe you forgot about or perhaps haven’t felt before and now you’re wondering how. The view begins to get brighter and brighter as your sightline is pointed higher and higher. Then you see nothing but light. There’s no room for anything else; everything bends to it. And you realize now, that’s the way you want it.
That’s part of what I’ve been learning: that when I focus on God and what he wants from me, what He wants me to do (which I’m still figuring out), it’s glorious and there’s no room for me to focus on all the negative things in my life – not when he’s all I can see. I don’t have to fear or worry about them since they bend to him; how could they not? That’s what I’m striving for.
So. Back to connections.
Making them was one of the biggest concerns I had before coming to Korea – if not THE biggest one. How would I make new friends and connections? How would I connect with people here? How would I fare finding like-minded people who also had a faith they stood on with all that they were, and who cared enough to have an opinion on whether Superman or Batman was better?
It felt as though it’s been slow going when in reality it’s been happening fast. Faster than I thought. I’ve only been here almost 2 months…*the words, “2 months” echo around.* Ahem. I’ve already made some new friends and some new acquaintances that I don’t think I’ll be calling acquaintances in the future. I’m blessed by them more than they know. Maybe I can change that…the knowing part, I mean.
It’s an amazing thing when you start to see the ways that God is moving in your life, when he starts dropping things in your space that you never expected to be more than what you thought. But that’s just who he is: a Father who loves his kids and smiles when they smile. And he LOVES to bust your expectations. So: thanks, Dad.
Yesterday was a day where he was all I could see. And today my vision is spotted and blurred with him.
I’ve just read a devotional on God as our provider, Jehovah-Jireh, encouraging the reader to remember where to put their faith concerning provisions of all kinds. This brings to mind a song I remember singing when I was in South Africa (I have no idea if it’s exclusive to there or not):
“Jehovah-Jireh, the lord my provider, he keeps on doing great things,” x50 give or take.
This devotional, and subsequently this song, have reminded me of how much a part of God this role is. Like I mentioned, he’s a Father so he’s going to provide for His kids – even if it kills him and he has to raise himself from the dead.
And man, has he ever provided! I’ve also had to remind myself to give me some slack on the making-new-connections front, since it’s only been almost 2 months. *2 months, 2 months, 2 months.* I really need to get that echo fixed. Hmmm.
And I can barely believe it’s been that long! They’ve been months filled with overcoming fears, developing my faith muscles (yeah, I work out), alternating between tip-toeing and jumping out of my comfort zone – which is slowly getting bigger.
There’s been so much growth for me in only 2 months and numerous ways in which I’ve been reminded that I am here for a reason, even if I’m not yet sure of it. Even if it’s smaller or bigger than what I can imagine.
I’m constantly running after my Dad Jesus, grabbing his hand again after seeing something shiny for a moment and getting caught up in something other than his perfection. I’ll catch myself then and jerk my head up, wondering how far ahead he’s gone, only to see his face smiling at me and his eyes loving me. And we keep on walking. I’m finding that I don’t care where we walk, as long as it’s together.
And it is. Indefinitely.